Thursday, September 22, 2011

Kitchen Failure

I like to bake.
I do not like to cook.
I like the idea of following instructions and getting a known (and mostly often) tasty result.
With cooking there’s too much ambiguity left to (my) incapable hands. “Flavor to taste” – what the hell does that mean? Should I start with a teaspoon? A tablespoon? A half a cup? What the heck? I’m not comfortable in front of a stove and a spice rack, so I need some guidance please!
For the rest of the parts of my life I am all about embracing the grey areas, but this is the one place in life that I really just want to be told what to do. [The rest of the time? Unless you’re my boss? You should probably keep the orders to yourself. They don’t go over so well, in case you were wondering.]
Yesterday I volunteered to bring in some desserts for an impromptu potluck at work. I knew they needed to be easy, so I decided to make some raspberry bars and some no-bake cookies. They’re both delicious and pretty simple to put together. I needed this combination in my life.

Except I apparently can not, in fact, make NO-BAKE cookies.

Most of the time, I think it’s fair to say that I can bake a pretty tasty treat. I’m no fabulous baker, but I know where my skills lie, and I try to stick to those. Especially when I’m bringing said treat outside my house and sharing with other human beings. I can’t bring in something craptastic to share with people I like.

So I was quite disappointed in myself when the no-bake cookies I attempted to make turned into a chalky, powdery, chocolate mess, with a-side-of-oatmeal.

Yes, these are normally separate cookies. But when I realized that I shouldn’t have used quick-cooking oatmeal (it’s all I had!!!), it was too late – so I thought maybe I could shove all this STUFF into a pan to make some brownie-like-bar-cookies.

Yeah, that didn’t help.

Instead I'll share a couple of pictures (with links to their respective blogs and recipes, in case you want to try these!) to show you what the actual cookies should look like.

Or these . . .

Yeah, a little different.


The worst part is . . . I’ve tried to make these before. And each time I screw up in a new way. (Like when I tried to make them for the first time on a gas stove, and I let the butter and sugar heat up too quickly). Oops. In theory, these should be easy-as-pie (pun intended). My favorite first grader should be able to make them.

But me? Nope. Apparently not.

Which is quite sad, because now I have quite the hankering for some chocolate, peanut-buttery and oatmeal goodness.

Here’s a close-up of the dust. I wish I could get a better angle with the phone to show you how bad these are .  . .

No comments:

Post a Comment