Kitchen Failure

I like to bake.

I do not like to cook.

I like the idea of following instructions and getting a known (and mostly often) tasty result.

With cooking there’s too much ambiguity left to (my) incapable hands. “Flavor to taste” – what the hell does that mean? Should I start with a teaspoon? A tablespoon? A half a cup? What the heck? I’m not comfortable in front of a stove and a spice rack, so I need some guidance please!

For the rest of the parts of my life I am all about embracing the grey areas, but this is the one place in life that I really just want to be told what to do. [The rest of the time? Unless you’re my boss? You should probably keep the orders to yourself. They don’t go over so well, in case you were wondering.]

J

So.

Yesterday I volunteered to bring in some desserts for an impromptu potluck at work. I knew they needed to be easy, so I decided to make some raspberry bars and some no-bake cookies. They’re both delicious and pretty simple to put together. I needed this combination in my life.

Except I apparently can not, in fact, make NO-BAKE cookies.

Most of the time, I think it’s fair to say that I can bake a pretty tasty treat. I’m no fabulous baker, but I know where my skills lie, and I try to stick to those. Especially when I’m bringing said treat outside my house and sharing with other human beings. I can’t bring in something craptastic to share with people I like.

So I was quite disappointed in myself when the no-bake cookies I attempted to make turned into a chalky, powdery, chocolate mess, with a-side-of-oatmeal.

Yes, these are normally separate cookies. But when I realized that I shouldn’t have used quick-cooking oatmeal (it’s all I had!!!), it was too late – so I thought maybe I could shove all this STUFF into a pan to make some brownie-like-bar-cookies.

Yeah, that didn’t help.

 

Instead I'll share a couple of pictures (with links to their respective blogs and recipes, in case you want to try these!) to show you what the actual cookies should look like.

from One More Moore

Or these . . .

from Lick the Bowl Good

Yeah, a little different.

*Sigh*

The worst part is . . . I’ve tried to make these before. And each time I screw up in a new way. (Like when I tried to make them for the first time on a gas stove, and I let the butter and sugar heat up too quickly). Oops. In theory, these should be easy-as-pie (pun intended). My favorite first grader should be able to make them.

But me? Nope. Apparently not.

Which is quite sad, because now I have quite the hankering for some chocolate, peanut-buttery and oatmeal goodness.



Here’s a close-up of the dust. I wish I could get a better angle with the phone to show you how bad these are .  . .